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Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited."

"If you hear the words ""oh yeah, suck it"" coming from my bedroom, it's probably just me vacuuming."

"(not sure if repost) What do you call a black man that drives an airplane? A fucking pilot you racist!"

"Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound."

"Man outside walmart is asking for donations for the drug and alcohol outreach program You mean there's people who don't have access to them?"

"What do you call it when you keep wiping but brown still shows? The Trail of Smears"

"Q: What's red and not there? A: No tomatoes."

"My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold."

"If I ever move to Nazareth I'm going to open a cheese shop. It'll be called Cheeses of Nazareth."

"DUMBLEDORE: Say hello to our new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor Totally-Not-Working-For-Voldemort. SNAPE: Dude, seriously?"