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Joke of the Day

"The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life."

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"[around campfire] ME: *grabs guitar* Hey kids how about a song? KIDS: Yeah! ME: ok *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODI"
"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her pussy? Only one retarded thing came out of her pussy."
"I complimented someone for their amazing mustache. I don't understand why she threw a fit though."
"Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because it had nobody to go with."
"I'm lucky enough to be ambidextrous. It's just a shame I'm a lefty."
"If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor."
"Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences"
"Taken from a UNIX program called fortune. Ralph: Lisa, you have no tits and a awful tight pussy. Lisa: Ralph... get off my back!!"
"So a dyslexic man walks into a bra"