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Joke of the Day

"[first date] HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs? ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?"

"Dignity: Is that thing you lose when you send someone a second text before they've answered the first."

"Why was the neighbor mad at the Mars rover speeding around her neighborhood? Because Curiosity killed her cat"

"KEIRA KNIGHTLEY DOESN'T EXIST Q: How do you know that Keira Knightley doesn't exist? A: Because the camera adds 10 pounds."

"What sexual position makes the ugliest babies? Ask your mom."

"What do you call a bunch of Mexican Stoners? Baked Beans."

"Those guys spinning giant arrows outside of stores are great at getting attention but they might need some pointers on how arrows work."

"That's about as useful as... ...Anne Frank's drumkit."

"With the amount of people who hide their identity online you'd think this place is rampant with superheroes."

"What do you get when you cross a onion and a donkey? A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye"