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Joke of the Day

"What do you do if somebody dies Christmas Eve? Wait 12 hours and have Christmas Mourning"

"The only thing between me & a killing spree is the fact that I'd have to poop in front of people in prison."

"My friend attempted to make a cocktail... but she didn't have the Bols."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be silly, feminists can't change anything!"

"Oh goodness it's Olympic Soccer. If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take some of my single friends to the bar."

"What molecule has the best sense of humor? A helium polymer. HeHeHeHeHe"

"""Please. Make yourself at home."" *Brings cat and litter box inside* *Spreads cat poop on ground next to litter box*"

"Apparently Kanye dropped a new album on an obscure platform. Torrent."

"""Aw shit, my blackberry photos got hacked"" ... ...said nobody ever"

"What's the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate? The type of booty they plunder."