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Joke of the Day

"So a pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says ""You look so annoyed!"". The pirate points down and says ""Yargh - I have a steering wheel at the end of my penis. It's drivin' me nuts!"""

"""Betty White"" What the African American said when he heard there was a new Pope."

"Bond. Bail Bond."

"Boss: Project's way behind. Suggestions? I'm willing to try anything. Me: *raises hand* Him: Anything but ""helper monkeys"" Me: *lowers hand*"

"Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid."

"i don't think women should stay in the kitchen... i mean, how are they supposed to clean the rest of the house from there?"

"CLICKBAIT TITLE (*bad pun goes here*) (*necessary edit acknowledging upvotes and more bad puns in comments*) (*necessary second edit for the anon's gold*)"

"I don't always try to use big words but when I do, I accidentally tell a mother her toddler was a necrophiliac today instead of narcoleptic."

"""you're breaking up with me, here? and now?!"" ""it's just not working out"" *both continue pedaling tandem bicycle in silence*"

"I feel like Neil deGrasse Tyson would be the most annoying person in the world to watch Space Jam with"