178529

Joke of the Day

"What's a good article I should open as a new tab and not look at for weeks until my browser crashes?"

"I'm not ashamed to say that when I saw everyone was getting these new ""selfie sticks"" for Xmas I thought it was some new fantastic deodorant"

"Great. Only a single slice of bread left in the bag. That means until I find another slice, everything that happens today is in the sandwich"

"My dad has a piece of paper where he keeps a list of all his mistakes. He calls it my birth certificate."

"What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra."

"What does the calm zombie say to the agitated zombie? Decompose yourself."

"Used a bag to pick up dog shit in yard, tiny ants all over it. Later, saw 2 ants on my arm. My body is now crawling w phantom dogshit ants."

"*throws a grenade at Bruno Mars' girlfriend* *Bruno Mars appears out of nowhere and catches it* *it explodes and both of them die*"

"Love is blind, said the blind to the deaf I can see that."

"The only reason to have a second kid is if your first one doesn't get a lot of likes on Facebook."