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Joke of the Day

"I met the donkey from Numbers 22... He was a pretty cool guy... What? Did you expect him to be an ass?"

"If ""wings"" mean ""diabetes"" then yes, Red Bull gave me that."

"Chuck Norris action figures have been banned in the United States and Mexico due to the roundhouse action related to eye loss in children."

"I had a dream I was a muffler I woke up exhausted."

"Dating tip: Don't do it, a disturbingly high percentage of people are actually flesh eating insects in human suits. Just stay home instead."

"Women's Rights"

"I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal."

"I've never been good with 'pick-up' lines I once said to this girl, ""Hey, you get fries with that shake?"" It turns out she had Parkinson's."

"Why do you take toilet paper to the twilight zone? DODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODO"

"How can you waste food when there are starving children in...ew onions."