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Joke of the Day

"Why does Trump wear a hairpiece? Because he thought the kids on the roller coaster were making fun of him when they shouted ""Donald, duck!"" Yep."

"I want to tell you all a UDP joke ... but you might not get it."

"I make the kids wear fannypacks so they'll have someplace to hold my drugs when we get pulled over."

"If you ever need 15 minutes of peace and quiet from texting, tell her to send a selfie."

"Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work!"

"In honor of Earth Day I'm going to forage for my own food. Does anyone know what a Dorito plant looks like?"

"I cracked two jokes earlier about Malaysian Airways. The first got no response and the second crashed and burned."

"First they find ice on Mars.. ..now they find water.. ..next they will find Scotch.. ..NASA hell-bent on proving Men are from Mars.."

"Muslims are good people because they take people around them along to meet Allah."

"Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw."