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Joke of the Day

"Dear Santa, My ex was very naughty this year. But I was very good. So you can just send me all his presents."

"The new Pope So now that the new Pope is Argentinian they may say that they own Vatican City because they had a temporary residance there. It's not like it has happend before."

"How'd you get a black eye? Walked into a door. [Later, another shiner] More doors? *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors."

"Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house hammered, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister..."

"What do you call a horse that's a criminal? A Zebra."

"If you leave me a voicemail, congratulations. You've just given me the gift of anxiety."

"I want to believe Pistorius...... ... But it's pretty clear his argument doesn't have a leg to stand on"

"I told my wife she was prettier when she didn't wear glasses She said ""So are you"""

"A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says ""uno, dos..."" *poof* ...He disappears without a tres!"

"What do pelicans eat? Anything that fits the bill."