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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because they're terrible at breaking the ice."

"Nothing says you're worth more than $25 but not quite worth $50 like a $40 gift certificate."

"My social life."

"What did Mr. Burns bring to the pot luck? Egg_salad"

"Hate it when i accidentally drink a small amount of a carbonated beverage and my body is unable to release the gas and i pop like a seagull."

"Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing."

"An online dating service but to match you up with prospective burritos."

"They said when pigs fly.. But the swine already flu"

"You know what doesn't suck? A hooker that just won the lottery"

"I'm going to throw an awesome surprise party for my daughter when she gets home and realizes I know that she snuck out! SURPRISE!"