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Joke of the Day

"""Look at me! I'm a ninja!"" - 4yo not getting the whole ninja concept yet."

"I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles lastnight.. My next poop could spell, Disaster."

"Say what you will about prostitutes... ...those guys are fucking professionals."

"How did the writer pop the question? He per-prosed"

"Sorry, I'm way too tired to do anything tonight. I just need to take a shower, get to bed early, then look at stuff on my phone until 4 AM."

"What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? There are twenty of them. ( ) (v)"

"It turns out there actually was a strand of Marijuana that killed millions of people in the seventies It was called Pol Pot."

"How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave? I dont know. I was too busy masturbating!"

"Girlfriend: ""I'm pregnant"" Me: ""Really? Thats great."" GF: ""April Fo--"" *I'm already on a plane to a non extradition country*"

"Let's take a moment to thank earphones For helping us ignore stupid people all around us."