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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] You sure you know what it means to be a real estate developer? [i picture myself yelling at a building to try harder] Yes"

"I would like to thank my arms, for always being by side. My legs, for always supporting me, & my fingers...because I can always count on them."

"What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers..."

"If someone honks at you in traffic, honk back and yell ""HEY, OUR CARS ARE TALKING!"""

"""Is anyone here named Jeff?"" Jeff: Yes Geoff: Yeos"

"How do you play a big game of Hungry Hippos? Go to a weight watchers meeting and roll Maltesers down the middle of their meeting circle."

"Why did Holden Caulfield hate his job at Sprint? He was surrounded by phone-ys!"

"Jesus fed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish. I can't even satisfy myself with a family sized lasagne"

"Why was the Mercedes Benz on sales? Because they've removed 6 rows of yellow LED strips..."

"I hate to admit it but my views on life in the arctic are very polarised."