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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I reach 88 mph in my car, I always make a Back to the Future time traveling sound effect inside my head... ...and that's usually followed by a police siren sound effect outside my car."

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"How do you know when it's time to get a new dishwasher? When the old one expects you to ""do your share"""
"Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay."
"[edits wikipedia so the facts i made up for my school paper work]"
"When I read something can improve digestion... That's shit."
"Chasing away everyone who's ever tried to get close to you is a great way to save money on Christmas shopping."
"In my next life, I'd like to come back as someone who has a life."
"Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever."
"What do sex and air have in common? They're no big deal unless you aren't getting any."
"Do you know why the snowman is smiling? He heard the snowblower was coming."