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Joke of the Day

"I sex you, but I'm not 'in sex' with you."

"I've ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child."

"What instrument do you play Beside blowing dick?"

"wife: That guy is texting and driving! That is so dangerous! me [holding a donut in each hand and steering with my knee]: So dangerous"

"Dark jokes are my favorite What the first thing you need to hide when the police is on the door and there's a pile of dead babies next to you? ... ... ... ... Your boner"

"People tell me soup is better with flavor cubes. But I don't put a lot of stock in that. Because of it, though, I was the victim of a lot of boullion."

"My friend Victor changed his last name to ""E"". No one knows why. He's become a Mystery."

"i'm wearing a jetpack to my job interview tomorrow so if they turn me down i can disappoint everyone there by just walking out calmly"

"19: Okay mom, don't freak out but... TOO LATE"

"Ever heard of the movie ""Constipation""? Nope. --- That's because it hasn't come out yet."