17799

Joke of the Day

"How many Nice Guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just complement the bulb and get pissed that it won't screw"

"What do you with a dying chemist? Well, if you can't helium and you can't curium, all you can do is barium!"

"Guy knocking on bathroom door after sex: I think I love you. Me stringing tampons together, making a rope to climb out the window: Okay...."

"How old do I look? 9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any"

"What's the difference between a washing machine and a festie chick... A washing machine wont follow you around all summer after you popped a load in it."

"Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No."

"Maybe I forgot to text back. Maybe it's Maybelline."

"Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere."

"What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout ? Monkfish !"

"Steve Irwin will always be in our hearts Just like the stingray needle in his."