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Joke of the Day

"Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No."

"How loud can you talk? -Alcohol"

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that i have it."

"What is a physicist's favorite social movement? Half-lives matter."

"CNN just said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who the f*ck does the world owe? Jupiter?"

"What do balloons and virgins have in common? One prick and its gone."

"What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts."

"Tombstone: Here lies Houdini 2nd Tombstone: Now I'm over here"

"Why is Caitlyn Jenner so skinny? Because the FDA just banned trans fats."

"What do pantyhose and Brooklyn have in common? Flatbush"