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Joke of the Day

"I dance in my car, unashamed, in hopes of one day driving beside somebody as fun as me and sparking a dance off."

"[offensive] what's pink and covered in cobwebs Madeline McCanns bike"

"Hey girl, are you my math homework? Because I want to do you on the table"

"Why were the pirates on the ship fighting? They needed better anchor management."

"Confucius says - He who goes to bed with itchy butt Wake up with stinky fingers. Just remembered this from when I was 13"

"A cop pulls a guy over for speeding on a slow day Cop: ""I've been waiting for you all day."" Driver: ""Sorry, officer. I got here as fast as I could."""

"How many kids do you think Wolverine has? Because a vasectomy would heal in seconds and he doesn't look like he'd wear a rubber or pull out."

"My car was making this annoying sound . . . . . . so I went to see a mechanic. Me: My car is making an annoying sound. Mechanic: Easy fix. Reach over. Open the door. And push her out."

"Foreigner? Why not fist her? Badoom TSSSSssT! (Say it out loud)"

"My wife asked me ""What's on the TV?"" - I said ""Dust!"""