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Joke of the Day

"I got like 30 followers off a tweet about free porn sites, to which I say free credit report lose weight free penis enlargement."

"[at pet store] Im looking for something cheap and will get people to stop coming over."

"I told my girlfriend two sentences ""We need to buy a new car."" ""I am thinking about taking a break."" She started crying. I mean, she could have just said she didn't like that type of cars."

"Turning 30 is like fucking your sister Your dad wishes he could do it again."

"You have the body of a god... ...too bad its a Buddha"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? You don't know...? Oh.. Man, that's lame."

"Why couldn't the two testes be friends? Because of the vas deferens."

"What will they now call hormonally-induced knockers on men? broosts"

"What did Einstein text to his friend who he'd see tomorrow? E=MC U L8R"

"What do a walrus and a zip-lock bag have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."