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Joke of the Day

"Why could the chef not cook a tree branch? Because he used a non-stick pan."

"What does a woman on her period get for free when she takes a bath? Black pudding."

"What is the strictest part of a ship? The stern"

"""I'm sorry Mickey, I can't file divorce just because you think Minnie's silly."" ""Your honor, I don't think you understand. She's *fucking* Goofy!"""

"Irony is when you see someone circle around the parking lot 5 times to get the spot closest to the gym"

"I was in a bad place when my girlfriend broke up with me. A brothel."

"MOM: You give that back to him, mister ME: Ok mom MOM: and what do we say now? ME: *climbing off unicycle* sorry I tried to steal your girl"

"Pretty sure my refrigerator is having sex with itself from all the noises its making."

"Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets? No it's theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all the attention."

"Did you know Donald Trump only had two moods? Pissed off and pissed on."