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Joke of the Day

"If I come to your house and you say ""make yourself at home"", don't get mad when I take my pants off and drink your beer."

"What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam."

"How does a muslim close a door? Islams it."

"I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long."

"""Marines!"" ""SIR, YES SIR!"" ""Get ready to deploy at 05:00 sharp--HUGHES WHERE IN THE SHIT ARE YOU GOING!?"" ""That's too early I quit."""

"It takes a keen ear to pick out a girl's ""I haven't finished but I know you're about to, so I'll try to be supportive"" moan."

"What do the Irish hate more than potatoes? No potatoes."

"The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice."

"Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant."

"Weird how TV characters hardly watch any TV."