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Joke of the Day

"9: My room is clean. Me: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"You know, they said it would take a few years for my medical practice to get off the ground... But I just don't have the patients."

"The Kool-Aid Man seems depressed lately. Let's keep him away from load-bearing walls."

"It's 2012. We're supposed to have flying cars and stuff. But no... Just pajamas that look like jeans."

"How do they educate locomotive drivers? They train them"

"What do you call the day after a sad Friday? A sadder day."

"Some people get athlete's foot. I get Twitter butt."

"30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed."

"What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game? First person shooter."

"The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge."