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Joke of the Day

"It's going to take 14 years to put Harriet on the $20? I've got a friend in Chesterfield Square who can print some off in an hour.."

"Some girls will stop speaking to their friends over the littlest things, but will forgive the same cheating guy a millions times..."

"I made an late-night appointment with my escort But she informed me she is only working normal orifice-hours these days."

"I keep a banana in my bathroom It's for scale."

"I like my women how I like my computer Broken, dead, and in the basement."

"A black women names all of her 4 children Tyrone... How did she tell them apart? She looked at their last names..."

"""Fucking hell, I've only been in prison a short while and look how much my grass has grown. ""Stop dicking around, Oscar, put your legs back on."""

"I accidentally left the ""Shake to Shuffle"" feature of my iPod turned on during my run and listened to 2,379 songs in 4 miles."

"What do you call a large predatory bird with poor social skills? Hawkward"

"""Someone called me a butterface today! Is that bad?"" ""Well it's *half* a compliment."""