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Joke of the Day

"Kids these days don't give a fuck about acid They're all about that base. Credit to /u/Assorted_Jellymemes"

"An alcoholic, a pedophile and a Catholic priest walk in to a bar and the bartender says... [""Oh, Father O'Bannon, you're alone tonight?""](/spoiler)"

"What do you call a pig with the flu? A swine swine."

"did you know jesus was irish? true story, he never held a job, had twelve drinking buddies, and his mum thought he was god....."

"Marriage, Or as I like to call it; The wonder years Wonder why she is mad this time Wonder why my stuff is on the lawn"

"If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... I'd use it to buy some rental properties and try to invest some in the market."

"My favorite extreme sport is riding the passenger seat while my wife drives"

"Bartender: YOU'RE the guy that drinks from the soap dispenser in the toilets? Me: [I try to say ""NO"" but it's just lavender scented bubbles]"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup........ MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [Works best IRL](/spoiler)"

"What's the difference between a slut and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it."