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Joke of the Day

"Went into Dollar Store. Asked for a dollar. Cashier did not give me one. Suing company for false advertising."

"Every time I get an AIDS test, I'm convinced it's going to come back positive And every time I'm right."

"Before you criticize someone.. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

"Oh panic attacks,I thought you said pancake attacks because I have those all the time."

"What is worse than 7 babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to 7 trees:)"

"I was sitting on an automatic toilet yesterday and it flushed underneath me before I was done. Scared the shit outta me."

"What do you get when you cross a whore and a leprechaun. A little green fucker about two feet tall. (Best told orally so can hold hands two feet apart.)"

"[sees girl reading Lord of the Rings] ""Ah I love that book. The way that guy is just [clenches fist] the Lord of all those freakin rings."""

"Hooters sucks! Feed you messy ass hot wings presented by one the hottest skimpiest dressed big boobed blonde. Its like they're daring to go to the bathroom and jack off."

"What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits' home? A search warren!"