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Joke of the Day

"A man says to his wife, ""I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad."" She thinks for a minute then replies, ""you have the biggest penis out of all your friends."""

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"Dark humor is like food in North Korea Not everyone gets it."
"At church, last sunday ..., the preacher said ""Jesus died for your sins"". At that point, a man got up, furious and shouted ""Seriously, man? I was reading that book!"""
"Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand."
"What do you do when your lawnmower stops working? Deport him"
"It's good times for German geologists As they have discovered a large deposit of gemulichkeit."
"My husband went camping w/ his buddies. He packed a hatchet, 2 liters of Jack & a 3yo's Hello Kitty sleeping bag. He's gonna die out there."
"""Flight 1234 are you ready to copy holding instructions?"" ""Center make that request on the next frequency...."""
"What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics? Walking."
"How did the Egyptian go broke? He got caught up in a pyramid scheme."