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Joke of the Day

"I will not tolerate watching the neighbourhood kids bully my nephew. So I keep the curtains closed."

"I'm tired of women touching and playing with it but no one wants to blow it. Damn vuvuzelas!"

"Friends with benefits who are bad at sex ...are hard to come by."

"What do you call a group of transsexual surfers? The radical left."

"Relationships are a lot like algebra Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"

"How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A sumo wrestler shaves his legs."

"What is long and black? The unemployment line."

"A joke for the British. Some urine got into my eye whilst cleaning the lavatories at a kid's nursery yesterday.... ....I'm putting in a claim for Pee Pee Eye."

"It's actually easy to spell Connecticut if you think Apple are creating a brand new self-harming app. Connect-iCut."

"Not sure if my cooking skills have improved or taste buds have adapted."