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Joke of the Day

"Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired Manager: Um... [changes sign to ""Vintage Hams""] Hipster: I'll take 4"

"What do you yell at a Muslim striptease? ""Show me your nose!"""

"My wife once told me "" Mike you're the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms"", which pissed me off because my names not Mike"

"Tits man or arse man? ""Tits man or arse man?"" I was asked. I really should have got in there earlier when they were giving out super hero names."

"The average person swallows eight spiders a year. And i've NEVER settled for average (pours burlap sack of spiders down throat)"

"The nice thing about being a girl is OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE'S A BAT IN THE HOUSE, HONEY, GET IT! GET IT!"

"What do you call a black man flying a plane A pilot, what're you racist?"

"karma for jokes You dont get it?"

"What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him? I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit"

"Love voicemails from my grandma that start with ""hello?....HELLO??..."" and end with her trying to dial another number."