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Joke of the Day

"Tits man or arse man? ""Tits man or arse man?"" I was asked. I really should have got in there earlier when they were giving out super hero names."

"Charlie Sheen's herpes have herpes and those herpes have gonorrhea and that gonorrhea had an abortion in high school."

"I think my children are spoiled I must have left them unrefrigerated for too long before eating them."

"Siri, does this look infected?"

"Sometimes ""I'm single"" means ""I'm drama free"", ""less stressed"" and ""I refuse to settle for less."""

"My wife's a ventriloquist, which means she has the ability to complain about having to give me a blowjob whilst actually giving me a blowjob."

"Some Muslims were having an argument on my street the other day... I wanted to step in, but I was afraid it would blow up in my face."

"I love when my friends start selling weight loss shakes because that's one less person I ever have to talk to again."

"Everyone says I should sign up for a 401k but I don't think I can run that far."

"Most people browse on Google or Bing... But I browse on fleek"