177186

Joke of the Day

"Health food? Baby, my body is a '93 Honda hatchback with a headlight out. I'm not about to start putting premium gas in it now."

"People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow."

"So I gave a blind guy a basketball. I think he's still trying to read it..."

"What do you call fat dubstep? Chubby wubby"

"Chestnut. What do you call a nut on a chest? A chestnut. What do you call a nut on a wall? A walnut. What do you call a nut on a chin? A blowjob."

"If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a racist I'd have so much cash on me I'd probably get mugged by a black man."

"One man's junk is another man's treasure... especially to gay people"

"My dad taught me you can't try rationalize with crazy... It was a self-taught lesson."

"What am I doing today? Well I forgot my headphones so probably murders."

"A local candle shop burned down... it didnt help that everyone stood outside and sang happy birthday"