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Joke of the Day

"hope no vids surface of the time i opened a bag of potato chips and one flew out and hit me in the eye"

"Is Schrodinger's cat alive? Short answer: No Long answer: Yes"

"Rude limerick anyone? There was a man from Leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds. Great tufts of grass grew out of his arse, and his balls were infested with weeds."

"Apple announced a breast implant that plays music... The iTit is considered a major social break through since women have always complained that men stare at their breasts but never listen to them."

"One time we ran out of soap- -so we had to use hand sanitizer!!!"

"What did the fruit say to the vegetable, at dinner? Lettuce Pray"

"What do call the President of Russia with an upset stomach? Vladimir Poopin"

"You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn"

"Q's are just O's that got shanked."

"I wish I hadn't bought so much Encyclopedia Britannica stock in 1999."