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Joke of the Day

"My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10 Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!!! That's the best I've done so far."

"I wanted to have sex with Uma Thurman until I saw her toes in Kill Bill."

"[Date] Her: Any hobbies? Me: Monging mostly. Her: Huh? Me: I'm a monger Her: Huh? Me: Iron, fish, war... You name it -- I'll monger it"

"It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I'm trying to do that & you're lowering my chances."

"Babies are like new tattoos They are yours forever, but you should probably hold off posting pictures for a bit until they aren't raw and weird looking anymore."

"why are terrorists so popular at parties? Because They're the bomb"

"What did the doctor say to the short guy in a hurry? You're going to have to be a little patient."

"Would bet there's a math equation that can tell how many kids a person has by measuring the amount of Cheerios on the floor of their car ..."

"What is Fortunato's one weakness? Cryptonight."

"Doctor told me I'm getting overweight Crap I thought eating disorder was bad enough!"