176900

Joke of the Day

"How do you stop a 200 pound hamster from charging? Take away it's credit cards."

"A pirate decided he wanted to retire He sold all his gold on eBay."

"*driving my date to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you."

"What is the drunkest animal in Antarctica? A Pengwine. That's a /u/amanescape original. I can show myself out."

"What do you mean you're not going to spank me? I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you?"

"What did the mohel bring to the BBQ potluck? His homemade Bris-kit."

"Q: What do you call that great feeling of satisfaction you get when you finish your homework? A: The aftermath."

"In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of some phony gods blessing, but because I am enlightened by my... KNAWLEDGE"

"What did the dick say to the condom? Cover me I'm going in."

"How about some snappy one-liners? Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it."