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Joke of the Day

"One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, ""Samsung has had this feature for years""."

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"Why does Donald Trump take a Xanax when he goes to Mexico? To prevent His-Panic attacks."
"A guy walks into his house holding a goat. He says ""This is the pig I've been fucking."" His wife says ""What are you stupid? That's a goat!"" He says ""I wasn't talking to you."""
"I just burned 12000 calories I left the pizza in the oven"
"Whenever I see an elderly person who looks lost and confused, I stop and take a moment to feed 'em a peanut."
"Sober Irishman"
"If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant? Mariska Hargitay"
"Why is it ridiculous to believe I communicate to the world in 140 characters but not ridiculous to believe I created the world in six days?"
"I'm feeling more attracted to you lately. Have you put on weight?"
"What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? ""Some asshole has my pen!"""
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