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Joke of the Day

"I got a fitbit to get a sense for my activity level After a few days of wearing it, it asked if I was a tree"

"I like to abbrev."

"Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!"

"My mate Dave has changed a lot since his time in prison For a start he's not half as tight as he used to be."

"When you're on a date that's not going well, just start talking about genital psoriasis. You're welcome."

"What do you call a sick bird from Mars? An ill Eagle alien. Original joke created for my 5 year old."

"What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ? She had mittens !"

"What does pizza and vagina have in common? They both good hot or cold"

"What does a Walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both enjoy a tight Seal."

"You're pretty like a pearl... ...Pearl Harbor; all shot up."