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Joke of the Day

"If it's any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day."

"Patient: Doctor I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth."

"What do they call a bunch of Mississippi football players standing in a circle holding hands? A dope ring."

"I spend so much time alone I may as well just be ugly."

"i love nature :) sittin in grass, soakin up sun, listenin to all those weird ringtones that come from those animals in the trees or whatever"

"What kind of dog did the sad cantaloupe get? A melon collie!"

"I support traditional marriage between a man and one of his own ribs."

"Told by a 7 year old boy: How do you drop on an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it. Concrete floors are really hard to crack. Then he said ""you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"""

"My orgasm face is pretty much the same as my looking-over-my-shoulder-while-backing-up-the-car face."

"i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it"