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Joke of the Day

"My Lecturer asked me why i was failing my class ""Is it ignorance or apathy?"", he said. Honestly, I don't know and I don't care."

"I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever they said, ""No, just till the end of June""."

"Why did the mother cat pick up her kittens? She didn't want to litter"

"If you beep your horn .004 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off the car, lay on the hood and feed the birds for an hour."

"Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: ""Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!"" Grandpa: ""It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"""

"I came very close to death last night. I had a wank in a graveyard."

"Just found a yogurt recipe online and the first ingredient was yogurt. That's not a recipe"

"Jesus Christ, superstar He dresses like a woman and he wears a bra!"

"My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism."

"Why do woman have legs? So their feet don't smell like pussy."