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Joke of the Day

"Who delivers presents to the hood? Crip Cringle."

"You don't need to tell me that I'm not your cup of tea. I am well aware that I'm not a cup of tea, idiot."

"I watched a programmer do stand-up comedy. I've gotta say, I loved his bits."

"""PARKOUR!"" - me, after tripping over nothing on the sidewalk"

"The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*"

"It turns out smoking prevents Alzheimers. You don't live long enough to develop it."

"Do regular squirrels think flying squirrels are super heroes??!"

"What do errant Jewish golfers shout? Three ninety eight!"

"Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in? Customer: No. Barber: Oh dear! Then I must have cut your throat."

"I'm busier than... a Catholic priest at a church lock in."