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Joke of the Day

"I cut my finger chopping cheese... I think that I may have grater problems."

"Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes."

"Why doesn't 'Murica have any knock-knock jokes? Because Freedom Rings!"

"I would rather text someone for a hundred hours than have to spend one second talking to them on the phone."

"The best joke ever April fools"

"Why didn't the Terminator upgrade to Windows 10? ""I still love Vista, baby"""

"Jeopardy is petty. If you asked someone ""What is snow?"" No one would say: It's doubtful an Eskimo would have Chionophobia, a fear of this."

"I've deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo."

"when i end emails with best, talia it is not abbreviated well-wishes, but letting you know that i am the best talia."

"What's worse than locking your keys in you car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger"