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Joke of the Day
"A blind man walks into a bar..."
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"[buying cucumber and vaseline] me: got an awesome night planned clerk: eugh [later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich] this is awful"
"They are investigating Princes death... They dusted for prince, but found him face down in the corner."
"I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that."
"*spin kicks cigarette out of your mouth* Nothing is cooler than health"
"Teacher: ""Who built the first American car?"" Student: ""Me Pilgrims."" Teacher: ""The Pilgrims?"" Student: ""Yeah they made the Mayflower Compact."""
"I could add boolean operators to my search... OR NOT"
"I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work"
"What is a pigs favorite type of acrobatics? Porkour"
"Why can't a blonde dial 911? Because she can't find the eleven."