5803

Joke of the Day

"me: remember how i was talking about getting a xylophone [doctor holds up my x-ray] where the hell are your ribs? me: im trying to tell you"

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"(car dealer) is the passenger seat also heated? ""Aww for ur wife?"" *imagines putting a fast food bag on warm seat after the drive-thru* yes"
"[on phone with mom] SHE SAID YES!!!! ""congrats, son"" I asked her if she thought I was weird ""Wait what?"" She thinks I'm weird. We broke up"
"What do you call a mexican on amphetamines? Speedy Gonzales."
"I lost 50 pounds in two days Im never playing poker again"
"America as a whole is pretty bad at geometry... We're all out of shape."
"One man. One dream. One crazy summer. Three wizards. Fourteen cobras. Ten thousand condoms. I dunno, I'm just listing things."
"[break-in] BURGLAR: [cracks safe] COP: Not so fast, kiddo BURGLAR: [cracks safe more slowly]"
"What comes after Q Jokes? /r/Jokes"
"If at first you don't succeed... skydiving isn't for you..."