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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a burlap sack and my nutsack? The babies in my nutsack are still living."

"*unplugs 100% charged iphone* *slides to unlock* battery 43%"

"Q: How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered."

"As I've gotten older, every time I look in the mirror I see my dad more and more. I guess its time to move out, its starting to get weird."

"My dog loves me, but he also eats his own poop. I don't think I can trust his judgment."

"Why do pill bottles have cotton in them? To remind blacks in America that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers."

"*stares at phone* why cant i sleep *puts phone face-up on bed, the screen brigtness bathes my room in a light mor powerfubl than the sun* oh"

"""When I hand-write an entire page it looks like I've had a stroke by paragraph two."""

"LPT Don't order the wrong thing for your wife at subway Oops wrong sub"

"I've had blue balls for a week. I need to stop dipping them in ink."