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Joke of the Day

"When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard? Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother."

"Kurt Cobain shot himself because he couldn't live with the guilt of drowning 18 babies to get 1 usable photo for an album cover."

"What did one ball say to the other? ""This guy in the middle is a dick"""

"I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems"

"Zombie apocalypses suck. Everything comes back to bite you!"

"Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work."

"Damn son are you a girl? BECAUSE OTHERISE WHY YOU NO DOCTAH YET?!"

"What's the difference between illegal and unlawful? Unlawful is against the law, whereas illegal is a sick bird. Note: This obviously works better when told than read."

"Never bring a dildo to a knife fight."

"Girl are you a dishwasher? Because I would like to fill you with my dirty load in the evening, turn you on, and fall asleep before you finish"