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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an epileptic in a garden? A seizure salad"

"Welcome to ghosts anonymous. Nice to see such a spirited turnout. *all of the ghosts boo in unison*"

"Sometimes I feel driving over Beliebers, but then I'm like, ""what is wrong with me??"" because I just got my car washed."

"I've never wished death on anyone. It's the absolute *last* thing anyone should have to go through."

"Clinton's blue firewall... About as secure as her private email server."

"I'm celibate because i don't give a fuck."

"The problem with cuddling in bed with your true love is that iPhones don't cuddle back."

"'You never get anything right' complained the teacher. 'What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school ?' 'Well I want to be the weather girl on TV.'"

"In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word ""blobjob"". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for..."

"Soon-Yi Previn. Not the first Asian chick to have a secret woody..."