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Joke of the Day

"I was eliminated as a contestant on Fear Factor after running screaming from a bee."

"I may not be able to use by the ""N"" word... But at least I can say things like ""Hey Dad"", and ""Thanks for the warning Officer!""."

"Why is being in the military like a blow-job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. "

"Father, i want a bicycle... Why you need that? You already have a wheelchair."

"[in ambulance] ""Can you describe the snake that bit you?"" Yes it was like an angry rope"

"*jumps out of plane* *begins reading parachute instruction manual* STEP 1: PUT ON PARACHUTE *looks up* Well hell"

"Just once in my life, I'd like to know the sweet satisfaction of finishing a tube of ChapStick."

"What do you call a half Mexican half German person? A Beaner Schnitzel."

"I've been sleeping with my maid for the past 3 years. Just don't tell me wife, she hates it when I call her that."

"A Jewish boy asked his father... for fifty dollars for a pair of sneakers. His father replied ""Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"""