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Joke of the Day

"A Scotsman, an Essex girl and an alien walk into a bar... The landlord looks up and says, ""What the hell is this? Some kind of a joke?"""

"Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads"

"I found some dignity. If no one claims it in 24 hours, I'm keeping it."

"There are 3 kinds of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can't."

"ME: in closing, all of the facts I've presented today prove that Bush did 911 PRIEST: and now the bride will read the vows she has written"

"Did you hear about the guy who snorted curry powder? He fell into a korma"

"[accidentally calls teacher ""mom""] MY BRAIN: shit, play it cool. say something. ME: what's for dinner tonight BRAIN: what"

"I used to have a problem choking on my food all the time Now I only eat cheerios and life savers"

"Thank you, baby Jesus for helping my favorite sports team instead of saving people from a tsunami. You must really love baseball."

"What do you call two physicians? A paradox"