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Joke of the Day

"I exercise religiously. Which means I go running dressed as the Pope."

"""Mos Def"" is my favorite rapper named after a girl who doesn't actually plan on hanging out with you."

"The steak that I put in the Easy Bake Oven as a child is still not done"

"Have you ever accidentally ended a business call with ""I love you?"" Oh yeah me neither."

"When used as directed, Axe Body Spray makes a good substitute for tear gas."

"What has five arms, three legs and a head? The finish line at the Boston Marathon"

"Look, a reindeer. Santa, is that you? Nope. Chuck Testa."

"Q: What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back? A: Wheeeeee!"

"[on plane] Me: It's ok, more ppl are killed by hippos than by plane crashes Pilot: This is your captain speaking, I'm a hippo btw Me: Nooooo"

"I tell pissed off women to ""calm down"" So yeah, I'm into extreme sports."