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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people in this world: Those who always lose their train of thought"

"Teacher: ""Who built the first American car?"" Student: ""Me Pilgrims."" Teacher: ""The Pilgrims?"" Student: ""Yeah they made the Mayflower Compact."""

"Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as ""The Peas"". And now they are The ......... Peas"

"The sign said ""fine for parking here"" And since it was fine, I parked there."

"Discovered that my wife can talk to me THROUGH THE SPEAKERS OF MY NEW CAR so I'm returning it."

"Boss: Everyone is behind schedule and making excuses. Does everybody here think I'm an idiot Me: Don't ask. They swore me to secrecy."

"What did the black holes say when they collided? Nothing, they just waved. (Sorry)"

"Yo momma's so fat... .. when she fell out of bed, it was detected by LIGO."

"Pretended to add my number into this obnoxious guy's phone. All I did was edit his mom's contact. Hope she likes dick pics and booty calls."

"Husband: I called my boss ""Honey"" today. Wife: What? Why? H: He was shouting at me and telling me I was wrong, and it just slipped out."