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Joke of the Day

"I once dated a girl with a conch shell tattooed on her inner thigh... If you put your ear up to it you could smell the ocean"

"It's OK to pet him. Buffalo are gentle creatures."

"Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him"

"*loads dryer* Fitted Sheet: HE'S BURNING US ALIVE! COME, SHIRT! COME, PANTS! HOP IN MY BOSOM AND I WILL FORM A PROTECTIVE BALL OF MOISTURE!"

"Did you guys hear about the catastrophic genetic flower breeding program that tried to cross an aster and a daisy? It was a dais-aster."

"Nike actually called me and asked me to stop doing it."

"How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh? Tentickles."

"Why can't trigonometry teachers give good speeches? They go off onto different tangents."

"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why."

"If you haven't heard my joke about the Mexican guy and the black guy, don't feel too bad. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal."