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Joke of the Day

"Nike actually called me and asked me to stop doing it."

"There's an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn't just hard it's impossible."

"How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships ? With their eyes shut !"

"My son answered a test question ""What causes the earth to rotate?"" with ""Fat bottomed girls."" He failed the test but won my RESPECT."

"4: can we name the baby Yoko? Me: well Yoko is a Japanese name 4: if the baby is Japanese can we name it Yoko? Me: ... 4: ... Me: yes"

"Why couldn't the Great Ape tell a story? Because he doesn't have a tail."

"Why did Tigger look down the toilet? To find Pooh!"

"My Russian mate does not care about anyone. His name is Yukanol Fukov."

"Q: ""How long were you at your last job?"" A: ""Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"""

"That was THE best 10 hours of sleep I've ever had. Thanks for asking me to sleep with you! Huh. You look upset."