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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm not saying I hate your voice, but when you start talking, I understand the way dogs feel about fireworks. *howls* Co-worker:"

"It's colder than..."

"Eating Halloween candy and ignoring the doorbell. A little game I like to call fuck you I paid for it."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? Boy scout comes back from camp!"

"Trains delayed due to: - Wrong kind of sun - Ominous cloud - Slightly damp leaf - Chilly track - Suspicious gravel - Sarcastic swan"

"An atheist, a crossfitter, and a vegan are sitting at a bar... I know because Reddit reposted it and it made the front page."

"What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner? The placement of the dirt bag."

"What happens when you come across lion? Wipe it off and say sorry."

"This is your captain speaking. Would someone who knows how to be a pilot please come up? I'm literally just pressing buttons."

"Daughter asked me she wants to feel like a princess so I forced her on a marriage with a man she's never met to secure our alliance with the French."